I’m anti-boob

I’m anti-boob.
Not the concept or the things. I’m anti the word “boob” and in particular its increasingly more prevalent cousin, “boobies”. Something grates on me the more I hear adults use those two words. “Boobies” is gaining ground in the in sex-positive community as well as population at large. To me, it smacks of infantilism, which might be fine if you’re a little, but once you get beyond the age of consent and don’t otherwise adopt the behavior of a young’un, your use of that word seems like an attempt to get by without giving offense. “boob” is a way of referring to your anatomy when you think someone else, like the kids, might be within earshot. Hey, bless you for not wanting to give offense. But there are heartier terms for breasts.
“Tits” for example. If you’re talking about liking tits, you’re automatically in a much edgier situation than liking boobies, and you don’t sound like a nitwit.
“Rack” is good in a retro way, “gazongas” is colorful and has the vernacular charm of boobies without the simper. “Knockers” is great if you are on your way to OTB. “Bosom” especially of the heaving variety works to provide a little old world reticence, that can contrast nicely with the dungeon setting. “Uncover your Bosom, Madam”, in the right context can really send a scene over the edge, in a way that “Show me your Boobies” never can. Its lower-class progeny “Bazooms” also can do the trick on occasion, especially if you are a Wise Guy or Gal. “Balcon” is suitable for company, “udders” only works if someone is deeply into humiliation.
Finally I come back to “tits”. “Tits” is great and tits are great, whether they are barely present mouthfuls or a mountains to dive between, ripe with promise or abundant in service. I admit to being a tit man to the end, boobs be damned. I mean, how lame would it be if Peaches sang “Suckin on my boobies like you wanted me…” in “Fuck the Pain Away”? It would be very lame indeed.

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~ by the people's burro on December 13, 2009.

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